Problem

Insight on The Horizon

Moodathon Athlete

                I've discovered my next prescription thought to help me! It's called "Moodathon Athlete". What do athletes do with their mind while they are competing that I might be able to use while I am on my own moodathon? Luckily I have a friend who is a marathon athlete. I asked him what he does and he said on his last race he focused on his previous training as motivation to continue. He knew that he had already been there and that he could consequently continue pushing till the end of the race. This immediately affected my own mood. I thought about all the times in my life where I had been low and that if I could do it then, I can do it now.

He also explained that he used distractions near the end of his race to get his mind off of the pain and fatigue that he was experiencing. I too use distractions to help me when I am feeling down. Distractions are a handy tool in your thought-box to have on hand. But they can't make up the sum and substance of your tools. 

High performance athletes certainly have some ideas to offer me. This got me thinking who else might have thought tools to help me fight my illness. Immediately, I thought of astronauts. What do they do with their thinking to remain so resilient and focused in the face of difficulties?

Integration by Parts

             There are three different sides to my soul. Integration by parts is a method to bring those parts together as one. It's a very strange experience. Progress can be made by focusing purely on thought. The depressed side of my soul has a set of thoughts that corresponds with it. As do my other two moods. It wasn't until I started examining these three sets of thought that I was able to start having centered thoughts while I was manic or depressed. Depression is hyper-focused on the past and the future. Mania is hyper-focused on the present. And a centered mood focuses a little bit on all three directions in time. However, there's more to it than just that. Mania is an almost unrestricted uninhibited state of mind, whereas depression is completely restricted and bounded as if there are no options, hence the despair.

I've found that I can artificially have centered thoughts while I’m depressed or manic. It is as if I am integrating the various parts of my soul by depositing the thoughts that mark the other states of mind into places where they previously were not occurring. Much to my surprise and delight, mania while under the influence of centered thoughts begins to restrict itself and think about responsibilities. And depression while under the influence of centered thoughts doesn't find itself trapped by the circumstances of my life.

Always Bring Something Home

Altering the course of your moods isn't a simple task. When I discovered this prescription thought I was experiencing mania. I had decided to stop drinking alcohol and I didn't know that my decision would have that effect. Alcohol is a depressant. So, it actually does make sense. I wasn’t worried though. It became obvious to me that I had never actually tried to understand mania, in other words, its mechanics. How does it work? What are the mechanisms behind this mood that make it so unruly? By asking these questions I began making enormous progress. And that's because my thinking changed. No longer was I the victim. When I experience any mood, I'm always bringing something home with me. I'm bringing home insights, observations, theories, anything that I can use to turn right back around and change my future. Look at your moods as research opportunities not unfortunate events.

Mooded, Mooding, and Mood-Furcation

The idea behind this prescription thought is to gain a better understanding of your illness past present and future. Moods are a lot like music. They are abstract and spread out through time. What I realized is there are smarter ways to think about my past present and future. I need to stop thinking about my past with regret, see the present as precious, and the future as open to my design. So, I came up with these concepts to help me do so.

Mooded is the ordered sequence of all moods I've experienced from birth until the present moment. I could in theory create a graph that shows the sequence of moods I've experienced from birth until the present moment. If the sequence is accurate I could use that data to help myself open up the future to new possibilities. What I've realized is that my past isn't something to run from. It is the single most important data mine that I have available to me. And it is vitally important to my ability to design my future that I keep accurate record of my moods.

Mooding, is the mood you are experiencing at present. Mooding is precious because it is an opportunity to do research on that mood. I had a manic episode shortly after discovering this prescription thought and I actually wasn't upset I was experiencing mania. Why? Because it was an opportunity to better understand mania so that in the future I can prevent it if I so desire. Mooding is where the action is at and it is always worth being in your present mood.

            Finally, Mood-furcation is the set of all possible ordered mood sequences I might encounter in the future. In mathematics, bifurcation is the splitting off of something into two paths. Think of your past as a sequence of moods up until the present moment and think of your future as a tree branching out from the present moment into four possible states of being which are sleep (S), depression (D), centered (C), and mania (M). Once it occurred to me to think of my future as a tree branching off in many directions I'm now invigorated with enthusiasm! There are so many possibilities! I'm not doomed. I can handle this without a doubt. What mood is going to come next? It's very exciting.