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My plan
is simple. I’m beginning again. Recreation is my only choice; else the future
holds only what I can expect. Literally, I must [RE]-create, rebuild the
person, the mind, the program at the core of my being. The insane are without
freedom because of the probabilities associated with their actions. My freedom
or imprisonment is established by my choices, the force of others, and the
misfortunes I cannot avoid. However, freewill, no different than muscle, must
be exercised, or it will be lost. The probability that any action, any thought,
or any reality will emerge in my life, is increased each time it’s repeated.
The moment of creation occurs when a novel state of mind takes form. However, it
requires an enormous force and a keen intelligence to pick, from out of the
nearly infinite set of possibilities of the mindscape, a new state that will be
worthwhile, and hopefully build networks to be explored with delight.
However
uplifting this might sound, it is still true the weight of the past makes claim
on the present but my tendencies from the past can be made less likely and new
tendencies can be built. My will is capable of shifting the distribution of its
character to a more desirable set of possibilities. I’m blessed to have the
elements of character necessary for constant re-creation. Too many have
foolishly assumed I am anything close to normally distributed. It is as if I’ve
been surrounded by the same investors crowding Wall Street, who place bets on
falling and rising stocks, but who fail to see their constant miscalculations
as evidence of a misguided and inadequate theory. If the mind behind my reality
truly is the soul of an artist, then not only is my being free in ways that the
stable cannot conceive but is also the most likely candidate to answer
questions that have yet to be answered, to inspire in new ways, to create ideas
and masterpieces that will continue to do work even when my soul is lost.
Any
theory of mind, including of myself, is anything but complete. It is far easier
to claim “I am wiser than I am” than to be humbled by the truth. But herein lay
the diamonds in the rough! And paradoxically so! Instability is precisely to be
expected from the heart of an innovator. To make change regularly and without
fear, builds a tendency in each of us to be just a tab bit closer to fulfilling
conditions upon which we can claim “I am free!” I can’t imagine a more
beautiful experience, than to feel inadequately prepared for what will
transpire in my life, and yet upon facing a challenge realize that I actually
am capable and prepared! Faith is trust. It is the belief in my own abilities,
that creativity and potential itself is enough to warrant self investment.
